12/2007
24" x 30"
Oil on Canvas
This is a portrait of a girl that's been forever changed by a disease that destroyed both her mind and body. At the tender age of fifteen she was introduced to bulimia and anorexia, she entered into a long-term relationship with her new found love. At this point she believed that being thin was the same as being happy and she found the loop hole! As the years progressed she lost control of the disease and it ravaged her mind, body, and soul. This painting is a symbol of her recovery, after 18 years, she is centered on life, love, and the pursuit of her dreams. Age, wisdom, and knowledge slowed the disease and the dedication to herself and her art arrested it!
Standing to the left of center is the image of being fat, the fear that drove the disease for so long, to the right of center was the reality of my body, I was 97lb.s. In the center is the woman I've become, I no longer see my body as myself, I realize now that happiness comes from within not without! As sad as this painting may seem, for me it is a record of my strength, for everything I've lived through has made me the artist I am today.
This painting took me about 12 hours to complete over a period of a week. It went through a couple of changes in the center because I had to come to grips with which aspect of recovery helped me the most to change and I chose knowledge, therefore the books. "Self-Portrait" will not be for sale, I think this ones a keeper! But, It will be hanging in my studio at The Art Collective for viewing.
3 comments:
Hi Nicole...
Can I just say... I love your stuff! (Please don't single me out as some weirdo) I'm just a very passionate and spiritual woman. So if something moves me like the way your paintings and words have then I have to express that.
I'm Black British, living in Sardinia Italy with my 'hubby' who's Sardinian for almost 2yrs. We have a baby girl (nearly 2yrs) and are balancing the cutural difference as well as the mixing of race thing!
You have given me new inspiration for my paintings. I recently started taking myself seriously and would love to sell some.
Living out here has made me want to promote the innocence of black/white (mixed) relationships through my paintings, since I constantly live with looks and whispers, not to mention slowing cars and the odd beep! (If your black and a woman you're assumed to be a prostitute here!) It's been a struggle for me especially when you're not used to that kind of thing. Can only make me stronger!
Please if you have the time, take a look at my blog and tell me what you think good or bad it's all gravy! http://tru-2-myself.blogspot.com
Love & Life
Sophia
xXXx
Nikki,
I just want to tell you that I am so impressed with your decision to face your demons of addiction. This painting took me back to the time we lived in East McKeesport. I have so much respect for you for sharing your story and realizing how insane the disease is. I am sure there are so many people you are empowering as they glance over your work. I never did quite understand bulimia completely. I just never could wrap my hands around it to grasp what a hold it had on you until this very moment after reading your synopsis. Nikki, you amaze me!!!! I am so proud of you and your accomplishments~Joey
It's interesting that the woman in the middle still has earrings and a necklace. Does that mean she still cares for physical outer beauty? Maybe she has found her balance of her many faces?
The layout of the faces remind me of the Asians who paint out on Battery Park (New York, park by the Ferry).
Neat picture.
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